I love the way I relate to my thirteen year old Mahriyanna and twenty year old Chris. They feel safe enough to share with me their deepest feelings. They still can cry, express anger, and get out all the emotions that often are uncomfortable in my presence. We have great times of laughter. We work together. They both accept my mentoring and advice when they want to. They appreciate me. I love our hugs. If we have conflicts, we talk it out. Sometimes I speak in ways that I do not enjoy because they are unhappy with what I am doing.  Sometimes I speak in ways they do not enjoy because I am unhappy with their actions. Yet we refuse to stay in tension, and always find time to talk it out, find understanding, and return to connection.

I love that I have proven wrong the scores of people who told me when my kids were pre-teen, “Wait until they are teenagers–then you’ll have problems with them.”  Sure, we have had different challenges as they get older–but in an astmosphere of deep listening and deep respect, there is nothing to rebel against.

I love the fact that I have never spanked my children. I celebrate the fact  that I can count the times I have yelled at them on two hands. I rejoice  that I can’t remember punishing my children because they did something I didn’t want them to do–yet they have grown up to be responsible, helpful people.

In spite of me having as my deepest need to belong, I have resisted the temptation to change my parenting in order to gain approval from others. I have been fired from two pre-schools, kicked out of a community, rejected by countless parents because people evaluated my parenting as being permissive and a bad example for their children. And I have left countless situations, because I did not want to compromise my parenting style and values.

Using a combination of non-violent communication; a healthy, wholesome diet; unschooling and homeschooling; attachment parenting my children and I learned to cooperate and nurture each other in ways that I have yet to find with any adults. I love  my partner, Robert. He is my best friend. Yet he is wounded as I am, growing up with parents, teachers, and other care-givers who hurt us in ways they often were not aware of.  Yet my children continue to amaze me with their degree of awareness, intelligence, compassion, insight, generosity, responsibility, spontaneity, funniness, and ability to love.

I want all parents to have this relationship with their children. I feel so sad when I hear countless stories of parents alienated from their children. I yearn to share practical ways to help parents have a thriving relationship with their children as well as feel the joy that comes from empowering their children in every way.

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